loonyblog.

The proceeding post contained a link to Wikipedia that didn’t exist when I started writing said post. Incredibly, the term “Silliwood” wasn’t in Wikipedia, so I added it.

That’s both really, really cool thing and terribly scary.

Misleading headline alert: Adventure Gamers: Neverhood sequel in the works?

For the unaware, The Neverhood was a great adventure game back in the Silliwood days. The game’s graphics were all claymation, making it stand out at a time when most adventure games starred Tim Curry. It also had one of the best soundtracks for any game ever released (and some day I’ll find a copy for a reasonable price).

As no sequel will ever happen, that headline is mean.

Ladies and gentlemen, the apocalypse is truly upon us. For real this time.

Vanilla Ice has cracked the top 100 on iTunes. Granted, this is a top 100 that includes classics like “Baby Got Back” (#84), that creepy song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (#38) and Journey’s timeless classic “Don’t Stop Believin” (#20), but Vanilla Ice? I fear for humanity. And more than usual this time.

From GameSpot’s preview of Ninja Gaiden Black, the re-release of the uber-hard Xbox game:

If all of the above difficulties prove too overwhelming for you, Black will also offer a special, easier “ninja dog” difficulty. The mode will be accessible in much the same way that Devil May Cry 3’s easier settings are accessible–you’ll get the option to select it if you die a certain amount of times on the first stage. Once that happens, you’ll be able to opt for ninja dog. The only catch is, since this is a Team Ninja game, the difficulty isn’t quite the free ride you might think. A mildly humiliating cinematic with Ayane dissing on you is followed up with a running gag in this mode.

Once you return to the game after the cinematic, you’ll gain an accessory, the band of power, which you’ll be able to equip. The good news is that the wristband will enhance your melee attacks. However, the bad news is that it’s an oh-so-cute shade of bright purple and looks more than a little out of place on a badass ninja. As you progress, you’ll gain other bands, which sound as though they’ll run through a rainbow of humiliating colors (which seems like a more than ample excuse to grow a pair and get better at the game). From the sound of it, the enemy artificial intelligence hasn’t been tuned down in the ninja dog mode. Hayabusa is just a little more powerful, so you’re still going to have to do some work.

Is it really necessary to insult people who don’t want to play an otherwise extremely difficult game? I consider myself a super hardcore gamer, but I skipped NG because everyone told me how difficult it was, and frankly? I didn’t think it sounded all that fun. I think I’ll skip this release too.

You know, i really don’t want to harp on how much Constantine sucked (although the holy shotgun was hilarious), but something’s been really bothering me ever since I suffered through this two hour suckfest that passed itself off as a movie. I’ve read a few issues here and there, but on the whole, I’m not a big Hellblazer fan, so I really didn’t care that the movie wasn’t faithful to the comic. Okay, so I wasn’t thrilled about the fact that they managed to graft the character into a thoroughly Catholic mythology. I can only wonder what Constantine co-creator Alan Moore — as big a pagan as has ever lived in any era — would think if he ever watched it (fortunately for him, he probably won’t). No, what really bothered me about the movie is its smarmy, heavy handed anti-smoking message.

Read on for all the ridiculous details (including a great screen capture proving my point).

Read the rest of this entry »

“Huh. I’ve never seen that before.”

Incidentally, this is also something you’d rather not hear from your doctor/dentist/proctologist.

Dark Horizons: ‘Voltron’ is back & bigger than ever.

Here’s a description of this classic-in-the-making:

The story being developed will be based on the 1980s series about five maverick explorer-pilots who must travel to the planet Arus to learn how to operate Voltron, a giant mechanical warrior formed by five smaller robots.

I weep for humanity.

The book of Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to eleven.

“And Saint Attila raised the shotgun up on high,
saying, ‘Oh, Lord, bless this thy shotgun that with it thou
mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.’”

Constantine? Silliest comic adaptation ever. And I’ve seen Roger Corman’s Fantastic Four!

Paul Dini, of Batman/Superman animated fame (well, at least to me, anyway) now has a blog, and an entertaining one it is. I learned this information from Mark Evanier’s blog, which is another highly entertaining journal (albeit one that I’ve plugged here several times in the past). Both are highly recommended if you’re into cartoons, superheroes and other related (and completely unrelated) stuff.

I’m listed in Moby Games! The titles that are in there aren’t exactly my finest work, but it’s cool to see my name in there regardless.